Wildfire Started From Burning Nikes

Wildfire rips through Oregon
Burn your bra

A recent craze has taken over the internet. People of all likes are burning their Nike apparel after Nike signed Colin Kaeperrnick to a media deal.

Unlike the remarkable movement of burning bras, this movement is less productive and not nearly as enticing to societies around the globe. The actions even took a dastardly turn as one Oregon student burned his Nikes in a bonfire. The air pockets in the sole that are designed to cushion and contour the foot like a swaddled baby had ignited launching the shoe upwards of 75 feet in the air, and a distance of two miles.

The shoes landed on the ranch of retired Green Peace Patrol Officer, Grant Bilgmander. A bale of hay caught fire, spreading to a nearby barn and eventually overtaking his entire property and 1100+ acres of US Forest.

The USFS has asked protestors to please pop the air pockets of their shoes before setting them ablaze, as this is the second report of a rogue shoe causing problems.

Another source has asked protestors to stop being whiney little babies and perhaps start a new trend of burning bras again.

More on this to come.

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