15
May
2018

Vape Rally Starts Wildfire Season

Posted by Trip McNeally
2018 Montana Vape Fest

Starting this morning in the upper Rattlesnake area, the second annual Montana Vape Fest was off to a thrilling start. Weirdos from all across the state gathered to embark on what was to be "the world's largest vape fest." Comprised of almost 14 people, The Montana Vape Fest seemed like a nice way to get a poutpourri across the valleys. That is, until one careless vaper showed up with a custom built MacGregor Ohm 3.0 that sent spark flying into some dry brush igniting what is to be the first wildfire of the 2018 season.

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14
May
2018

Freak hail storm closes Denver

Posted by Stanley Weiss

A crazy freak hail storm shut down all the roads in and out of Denver today after a freak hail storm dumped almost 6” of hail in under 30 minuets today. The city called all its snow plows to help get traffic moving and the Red Cross was even called to assist with the needs of crying Liberals. The Pepsi Center is the main shelter for those that don’t feel safe or lost their homes in this crazy global warming accident. Please call Red Cross if you’re in need of assistance with shelter and food. 

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14
May
2018

INTERNET WILL BE CLOSED FOR MAINTENANCE

Posted by James Earl

The Internet will soon be closing for scheduled maintenance and once again computer technicians, computer scientists, keyboard commandos, computer geeks and basic scienticians from all over the world are at odds trying to figured out the necessary schedule downtime dates.

The projected and most probable date is somewhere in January of 2019, May of 2020, April 20, 2020, November 19, 2017, and again in March of 2018.

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13
May
2018

BCSA is Getting Fantastically YUUUGE Remaster!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

After an18 month haiatus, the producers of “Better Call Saul Alinsky” have announced the release of the “remastered director of fan favorites cut”

the box set will also include three full Betamax tapes with hours of bloopers and out takes from that zany Tim Geithner, and his sidekick Barry.  Watch as Saul practices for his best Karl Marx impersonation! (Footage thought lost to history)

The Oligarch’s at Usefull Idiots productions want to thank you for your uniting with the worker’s of the world.

 

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13
May
2018

Facebook announces new emoji!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

In an attempt to stay relevant to an ever changing advertising market, Facebook is making subtle changes to appeal to America’s favorite generation, The Millennials!

 

To go along with the thumbs up, laughing, crying, angry and wow, we now have “safe space” the safety pin that tells the world “I don’t agree with you and you hurt my feel bads!” There are also plans to block everything and fill their news feed with bunnies and baby chicks frolicking a meadow.

 

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11
May
2018

Kim Jong Un Makes Rodman-esque Appearance Change

Posted by Trip McNeally
Kim Jong Un looking like Dennis Rodman

Kim Jon Un has recently agreed to peace terms with South Korea, stating Donald Trump as an inspiration but also giving credit to his American counterpart, Dennis Rodman.

In a recent interview, Un stated that a driving factor for promoting peace was to come to America and watch a Bulls game with his main man. He had started undergoing wardrobe and aesthetic changes shortly after the signing of the peace treaty.

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10
May
2018

Sasquatch Causing Pacific Northwest Salmon Extinction?

Posted by Archibald Sutherby

In the past few decades it has become common knowledge that the native salmon population of the Pacific Northwest region of the United States has been under attack. Commercial fishing, climate change, and man-made hydroelectric dams that impede the annual salmon spawn migration have all taken their toll. But recently a potential new culprit has emerged.

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In recent reporting of World, State and Local News, including and not including Weather and Sports, local reporters are at it once again and out to win you over with real news stories and some people who expressed their interest on social media outlets now feel that “Real News” is just not so real anymore and that “Fake News” or “Snews” is getting the most attention from possibly fake and real news sources alike.

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08
May
2018

Rat-a-tat Tat

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

New pictures have surfaced after Punxsutawney Phill was gunned down in the mean streets of Maryland. 

Deputy G. Lock of the Maryland sheriffs department had to unload a dose of justice after a “seemingly innocent” rodent was on a rampage.  “I saw a gun and had to act quickly. My wedding tackle was at risk”, said the Deputy.

Phil’s mother, Puxsutawney Phylis said “My boy was innocent, He was on his way to church to help with the rummage sale”.

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