24
May
2018

Gentlemen, Start Your Bassboat Engines!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

ANGLERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

 

Colorado Fish and Game has just announced the 22nd Annual Memorial Day Weekend CatFishing Contest!

 

This year’s focus will be Brooke trout and river walleye.  Catch and release rules apply and there is an 6.5 inch minimum with a hat trick limit of three entries per day.  No catfishing will be allowed, as that just leaves you holding an empty hook.

 

Please, only entrants over 18 will be allowed in with a special prizes for the cougar hunters and the silver foxes that just want to get their poles wet.

 

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24
May
2018

The Accounting Nerds Strike Back

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Pentagon Audit Gone Wrong!

 

In a surprise move even Rand Paul didn’t see coming, the Pentagon’s books are being audited.  No, really.

 

Bob, from accounting, said that the project, estimated to cost $345,000,000.38, should be completed in early fall. Just in time for campaign season in the bottom hemisphere. “We suspect that a few rounding errors should account for the $9 trillion dollars that are missing.”

 

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23
May
2018

Autocorrect Almost Starts WWIII

Posted by Trip McNeally
iMessage conversation Trump and Kim Jong Un.

In a message exchange with notorious hot-head Kim Jong Un, President Donald Trump sent the message "Send nukes" when autocorrect changed "nudes" to "nukes." When asked about the mistake, Trump quickly replied that he's been sleeping with Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner, and had been requesting photographs from both when the accident occurred. A forensic analysis of Trump's phone indicated that he, in fact, was telling the truth.

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23
May
2018

Hawaii Lava Flow Uncovering Dinosaur Fossils

Posted by Peter Christofferson

The recent eruption of the Hawaiian islands is having some unexpected side effects. The lava flow is stripping the surface of the island uncovering tribes of dinosaur fossils never known to exist on the island, some the species never seen before including a dinosaur four times larger than the T Rex. Geologists are at the island following the flows of lava uncovering parts of the dinosaur age never seen before.

 

Some of the fossils found are intact full bodies of brontosaurus, Agineasaur, Uncircomsizasaurus and a plethora of others, including one hominid skull.

 

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18
May
2018

White Man Creates Spiciest Ice Cream In The World

Posted by Peter Christofferson

A local white man Sereo Type has created the spiciest ice cream, he has been obsessed with creating the worlds spiciest ice cream for well over a decade. Sereo started out using the worlds hottest peppers, yet he found them to not be that spice he was searching for. Sereo also experimented with types of acid and peppers but still not the correct mixture, then one day, it hit him.

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17
May
2018

Old Faithful Consumed by Hawaiian Sinkhole?!

Posted by Trip McNeally
Sinkhole where Old Faithful used to erupt

A sinkhole has opened up in Yellowstone National Park, draining Old Faithful.

A crowd was gathered to watch the punctual geyser erupt at 12:04 PM today, but instead of an eruption, they were met with a pseudo-implosion. The sound was described as a "loud fart" and then the ground started to disappear.

One bystander was too close and fell in, sustaining only minor injuries. No other casualties have been reported.

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15
May
2018

Old Man Emerges From Bitterroot Mountains Claims To Be 2 Pac

Posted by Peter Christofferson

Sunday morning an elderly African American  man emerged from the Bitterroot Mountains and claimed he was 2 pac, he said “I have been in the Mountains finding his inner peace for 21 years, 21 one years, I’m ready to come home, my bones can’t take it”. 

After a quick DNA test compared to 2 pacs DNA taken in 1990, it was a complete 100% match, he is currently not taking any interviews as he readjusts to society again and we are told he is very thrilled to see how his music has inspired people for decades and can’t wait to tell his story of survival while trying to find himself.

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