22
Jun
2018

Vaccines Causing A New Third Nipple Pandemic

Posted by Archibald Sutherby

A new study from NYU has proven a scientific link between childhood vaccinations and a physical deformation causing a 30% increase in the chance of growing a third nipple. This comes complete with a third additional large areola/nipple in both males and females.  The full disclosure of these studies can be found at: https://www.nyu.edu/content/nyu/en.html

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    A new charity fundraising company is picking up a lot of attention throughout the west coast and upper midwest. DDAMM (Drunk Drivers Against Mad Mothers) is said to be originally based out of somewhere in Idaho or possibly Montana. This new non-profit organization promotes rewards for those of us who can still drive home without killing anyone after a night out with the boys.
If you would like to donate to Drunk Drivers Against Mad Mothers, please call this toll free number with your credit card information: 1-800-867-5309

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16
Jun
2018

New Cat Movement Shining Light On Cross Species Rape

Posted by Peter Christofferson

 

In July of 2017 it was leaked by an anonymous Veterinarian that there has been an uprising of cats being raped by other species such as dogs, goats and other house pets. According to “Pet Elite Weekly Club”, this has been an unspoken event taking place for decades in this little known behind the scenes world of cats rarely seen. 

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15
Jun
2018

Adult Men Still Consider V-neck Formal Wear

Posted by Bob Sayther

A recent study in GQi Magazine showed that more than 20% of the adult male population of the United States still considers a long sleeve V-neck shirt to be formal attire.

Not to be confused with a button up, the long sleeve V-neck has been used for decades to masque the down-trodden males of society and present them as upstanding. It's been called the "gentrification shirt of America."

GQi Magazine recently polled its readers and found that more than 20% are still wearing this attire to formal events. Some are even wearing it to their own weddings.

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14
Jun
2018

Halo Switches to Sony

Posted by Bob Sayther
Halo 7 on the PSVR

E3 has yet again raised the bar for upcoming game titles and consoles. Making up for lost ground in the previous two expos, Microsoft showed a multitude of new games and technologies to almost help users forget about their impotent press conferences in years past. Usually shadowed by Sony, Microsoft had the lime light this year. Everything was jaw dropping except one little detail.

In a shocking twist to end E3 2018, Sony and Bungie have announced a change for the future of the Halo franchise.

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14
Jun
2018

North Korean Summit Success!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

In an American Presidential first, Donald “the cheeto” Trump and The Picked On Goth Kid, Kim Jong Un met to discuss nuclear weapons, human rights and if it was ok for Un to address President Trump as “Unca Don Don.”

 

While the headlines only discussed talks about nuclear ambitions and trade with South Korea, Denver Planet has the inside scoop.   It has come to our attention that Dennis Rodman has been traded for a bowl of kimchi and the recipe for Pican, the century egg.  Madonna was unavailable for comment.

 

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