03
Jun
2018

Trumps pull out game is strong

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

It seems Trumps pull out game is a strong one. Today it is reported that President Trump has pulled out of talks with North Korea.

 

“We will not deal with a bunch of commi whiners”, Trump said. Kim has responded with a new age type of evolved land-crawling nuclear submarines. At this time the people of Coon Rapids and surrounding areas take cover. We will post updates as they are available.

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01
Jun
2018

Butte's Berkeley Pit Potable

Posted by Trip McNeally
Jackson Storm drinks from the Berkeley Pit
Berkeley Pit visitor Booth

The Berkeley Pit in Butte, MT has been notoriously poisonous for over 30 years now. Coming in at a half mile long, 1800' deep, the pit is filled with 900' of highly acidic, poisonous water. Just last year, it consumed a flock of Canadian geese that landed on their trek back home. The pH level of the water is roughly the same as lemon juice, and can consume an aluminum boat in just under two hours.

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30
May
2018

ABC drops Roseanna, picked up by FOX!

Posted by Stanley Weiss

Im sure everyone’s heard that ABC dropped the hit TV show after Roseanna Barr sends out and Ambien induced Tweet. Maybe Left wing nuts went crazy over the “racist” Tweet but Fox has a better idea, they will now show the reruns and 2nd season that was in the works before Season 1 was even finished. 

In a phone call to Fox we  got to talk to Pam Handy who said “Its kind of like the saying ‘One mans trash is someone’s Gold’. We’re super excited to bring in the cash flow and have the support and money from the NAACP, who helped us get Roseanna and everyone to sign the contract”

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30
May
2018

Customizing At A Whole New Level

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Trendsetter Mary-Anna Spitzhausen-Jones arrived on the scene this afternoon with what can only be described as the most unique of apparel accessories ever to grace a modern whip.

 

“I wanted a way to show the world that I live a gangsta life, I do what I want! YOLO after all” Mary-Anna said in a statement released Monday afternoon.

 

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26
May
2018

Wolf Like Creature Shot In Montana DNA Results Released

Posted by Peter Christofferson

Wolf Like Creature Shot In Montana Has Unusual DNA Results

The wolf like creature shot in Denton last week had its DNA returned and the results are startling. 

The My Ancestry results came back as

10% African American 
30% Scottish
45% New Wales
72% Latin American 

Montana Fish and Game said this is the first 45% New Wales they have had in the state and believe it may have been here illegally. Fish and Game also gave tips on how to react in a situation if you came face to face with one.

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    Will Hutchison, a longtime resident of North Bend, Washington State, Recently experienced some dynamic life style changes. Growing up in his adolescent years, Will didn't quite fit in well with the ladies. His shy demeanor only compounded the embarrassing fact that his manhood... wasn't quite what was expected. Until recently, Will has replaced this lack of braun with his personal array of full sized diesel fueled pick-up trucks as well as his collection of Harley-Davidson Motorcycles with their overly loud, and annoying presence.

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25
May
2018

Local Bouncer Cheats on Facebook Quiz, Still Fails

Posted by Rhyhahn Leeh

Local bouncer, Brandon, aka Lopez, a slightly racist monicker which he embraces, has once again taken a Facebook quiz. As previous results have confirmed, he's doomed to fail them. This time, however, is a different story.

The quiz was about Marvel Superheros. Brandon borrowed a phone and looked up the answers. Not realizing that he was looking up DC Comics, Brandon answered all of the questions wrong. Normally, he would just exit out of the quiz without posting his results. This time was different. He accidentally posted his results and tagged all both of his friends.

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