31
Dec
2018

Has Political Correctness Gone Too Far?

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

  In a statement released by the Lower Downtown Peoples of International Inclusion (LoDoPii), the demand for the removal of “Wan” from Kwanzaa is an absolute necessity to ensure that no persun feels left out of America’s 8th largest December Holiday.

 

“Henceforth, ‘Have a Kwanzian K’zaa’ (or whatever the appropriate greeting is) shall be the only acceptable expression of this holiday greeting.

 

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27
Dec
2018

Businesses Still Using Papyrus Font

Posted by Bob Sayther

The days of hiring a designer to help create a beautiful display for business signage is over. With the advancement of technology, entrepreneurs now hold the power to create and market their own logos and brands from their personal computers. At first, the selection of fonts was minimal. The obvious choice was something with a serif, like Times New Roman. Some businesses wanted to portray a more lackadaisical environment and would settle for the ever-hated Comic Sans. As time moved on, the standard font packages grew and suddenly the world was struck with Papyrus.

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22
Dec
2018

Denver Man Comes Home to Find Package Not Stolen!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Long time Denver resident, John Strichmädchen, came home after work yesterday evening to find his package still sitting on the doorstep.

 

“I spent all day fretting because I agreed to work an extra shift. I was like ‘SHIT! That package is arriving today!’ Now I am wondering what the hell is wrong with me? Is my stuff just not good enough?” Mr. Strichmädchen said in an interview early this morning.  We will be setting up a gofundme.com account to raise money to cover therapy costs to help with John’s self esteem.  Please donate today.

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15
Dec
2018

French Yellow Vest Revolution Hits Montana

Posted by Tom Klaus
Yellow Vest Revolution in Missoula, MT

The yellow vest movement has swept across France as a signal of the rebellion against France being a part of the European Union. The movement has spread across Europe and has now reignited the Brexit movement. The movement claims that the rioting and clashes with police are because the citizens are upset about the government's taxation and regulations over the citizens.

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Hunter Moore's book, Is Anyone Up?: the story of revenge porn

Once referred to as "the most hated man on the internet," Hunter Moore is a successful businessman and internet entrepreneur. He rose to fame with the creation of his website, isanyoneup.com (2010), that allowed users to anonymously post nude photos of other people. This site spurred the creation the term "Revenge Porn" that has now made its way into legislation and law around the world. Moore also toured the globe performing on stage as a DJ and throwing parties that can only be described as Woodstock with better drugs.

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09
Dec
2018

Winter Wind Will Never Be the Same..

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Deer Whistles Outlawed?

 

In a special session of the Colorado state legislature, Richard Johnson (D) introduced a bill that would outlaw deer whistles on all vehicles. 

 

“We are seeing an unprecedented increase in deers frozen in place.” Blaming the high winds that have plagued northern Colorado for activating the whistles and doing whatever voodoo magic they do to the deer population to freeze them in place.

 

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07
Dec
2018

Puff Daddy to Direct Rap Animals

Posted by Bob Sayther

A new series is set to hit Netflix this spring, called "Beat, Bars and Rap Battle Galactica."

The show centers around animals dropping beats and bars in a head-to-head rap battle. The winner take all competition is set for a 12 episode first season.

Originally set to highlight the rap talents of upcoming rappers, the show was switched to animals after focus groups pointed out that all the upcoming rap sucks.

The head rapper for the final battle Young Duck, famous for the backing vocals in the Aflac commercials. 

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05
Dec
2018

Missoula Hires New City Planner

Posted by Bob Sayther
Missoula's City Planner

A majority decision vote by the city council came in tonight and a new city planner has been hired.

Asher Reeves, 9, has been appointed the Missoula City Planner after he showed excelling skills with a spirograph and a complete lack of knowledge about traffic flow.

The vote was only shadowed by the recent decision to make 5th St and 6th St into single-lane roads in order to make more room for bikes.

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