13
Apr
2018

This Isn’t Just Any Arctic Blast

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

The Pole Shift Occurred at 10:30am Mountain Time!

 

The polar axis shift that scientists have been speculating would occur sometime in the next 100,000 years actually happened this morning just before lunch.

 

The new North Pole is located in Akron Colorado!  That’s right kids! Santa has a new address and it’s right here in Colorado.

 

Climate Scientist and part time Geophysicist Al Gore confirmed that today’s global axis shift was more than just a wild swing in the procession of the equinox, the change is permanent and stable.

 

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12
Apr
2018

It’s Official!!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

Amazon Announces Suncor Merger!

 

Jeff Bezos, owner, founder and part time richest man alive announced today that Amazon’s recent acquisition of Whole Paycheck is only the beginning of the expansion leading up to the announcement that Denver is going to be the Home of HQ2!

 

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12
Apr
2018

High Wind Warning

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

High winds in downtown Coon Rapids have 3 families displaced from their home. Jose and Hector and Bill  say they will rebuild. They blame it on the Anoka Tornadoes. Stay tuned for further developments, or don’t. We don’t care. 

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11
Apr
2018

Wildlife gone wild

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

Wyoming Game and Fish has released a photo of a coyote and a calf engaging in Inter-species relations. The spokesman’s for WGF said “ We don’t see species, we wish them all the best.” Casper Planet has obtained a poor  rendition of what the young could look like. 

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11
Apr
2018

Special Visitor

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

President a Trump has landed at Natrona County International  Airport this afternoon. When asked why he was visiting he said, “ I’m heading downtown for the food trucks.” When he was told the Casper City  Council is being a pain the the trailer about food trucks, he decided to head to the west side of town. “Things ARE better out west!” 

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11
Apr
2018

Maria Carrey has BI-Pole Disorder

Posted by James Earl

THIS JUST IN:

Maria Carrey has BI-Pole Disorder.

In a recent news story plastered all over the Internet and TV, Maria Carrey has come out of the house to expose her secret that she has BI-Pole Disorder.

News stories around the world say that she has had the newly discovered disorder for over a 50 year span and that she has finally come out of her house only to be exposed by the sun. She says that she regrets not coming out sooner because she likes a good ass tanning just like the next guy.

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09
Apr
2018

Man Chokes Out Woman’s Service Dog

Posted by Peter Christofferson

What was supposed to be a normal trip to the store turned into a very unusual day for Sandy Mctits. Sandy just entered the big box Superstore when Randy Shredd yelled, “Look Out, It’s a Pitbull!”, chugged his beer, then proceeded to pounce on the dog and place it in a choke hold that Randy calls the super delight. After the dog lost consciousness, Randy stood up and announced that nobody needs to thank him and that he is not a hero, just a guy who enjoys Kung fu and cheap beer. The dog was later brought back to life by a lady in leopard skin tights and a tank top.

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07
Apr
2018

City of Casper Attacks Growing Plague

Posted by Gregory M. Marcotte

It is becoming a common occurence for the City of Casper to show up on the list of cities in Wyoming with the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases. City officials are beginning to take a stand against the growing problem and are teaming up with law enforcement agencies, health officials, and a company that manufactures shock collars. The goal is to have everybody that gets tested positive for an STD, such as gonorrhea or syphilis, to be mandated to wear a shock collar that identifies them as an STD carrier.

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07
Apr
2018

Poor choice of headline

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

An early spring leads to a poor choice of words for exchange student and local reporter, Lefta Hangin. “ I’m sure I was reporting on the early release of dam water.” Even though the picture clearly shows Coon Rapids Mayor Ben Fynished in court trying to clear his name in a case involving sexual misconduct. Stay tuned if you care, because we don’t. 

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