22
Apr
2018

Russia does it again

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

McDaniels  USA has been caught in cohorts with McDaniels Russia. Mrs. B. Ullits was served a super sized serving of freedom. “As I was bringing my grandson food in the spare room of our basement, who by the way has a PHD and an MBA in 13th century middle eastern insect reproduction, he screamed like a sissy “Grammy, Grammy”. I rushed over to calm him down by rubbing his belly, I noticed the disgusting display of what I thought were fries. All I saw was lies!”

 

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21
Apr
2018

Casper Planet Vandalized

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

Please be on the look out for two individuals that were caught throwing  human feces on the windows of our Casper Office. We please ask for the public’s help in finding the two people. If you have any idea who they’re please messsage Casper Planet. Warming the video is very disturbing. 

 

An an award will awarded if someone give the names up. 

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21
Apr
2018

Fight Anus Worms Challenge Number Two Trending Challenge

Posted by Peter Christofferson

This year has already been an odd year for challenges, from eating laundry detergent pods to snorting condoms, but those challenges had no heart behind them, no cause, butt the new challenge is supporting colon cancer by eating $1.50 noodles out of the business end of a toilet. You might be thinking, “that’s disgusting, I’m not eating soggy noodles from a toilet”, that’s the trick, eating noodles soaked in toilet water is unsanitary, that’s why you cook them first, then place them in the water and enjoy changing the world.

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21
Apr
2018

Flat Earth

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

 

Newly found photo of the ice wall have surfaced.  According to the The Flat Earth Society we are surrounded by an ice wall that prevents us from leaving the Earth. We at Coon Rapids Planet understand that NASA has finally succumbed to the truth.  

 

International spokesperson for NASA, Fuque Allau said “We give up! The earth is flat, We admit it”. 

 

Coon Rapids Planet does not recognize a round or flat earth, as we don’t see shapes. Stay dialed in for further details, if you want, I wouldn’t.

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20
Apr
2018

Permission to land

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

*Southwest Airlines Update*

 

SouthWest Airlines flight 1380 coming from somewhere had experienced a “window malfunction”. Canadian/Chinese passenger, Sooked Oot was reportedly sucked into a window blown out from debris from a damaged engine. Coon Rapids Planet has received top secret intel from the Trump administration that the engine was struck from a land to air missile from our friends at the Kremlin. 

 

 

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19
Apr
2018

Too soon

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

 

 

After only 2 days George Bush is already at the altar. He said “ I’ve got needs”. The woman in the picture was unavailable for comment.

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FIRST EVER ENERGY KITE CRASH IN TEXAS HITS CLOSE TO HOME IN OKLAHOMA

 

The first ever fourth Energy Kite's maiden voyage didn't go as planned for the fifth time.

The “Energy Kite” is an aerodynamic winged kite tethered to a ground station which produces electric power and the tether attaches that electricity to the grid using fiber optic lines through a special sub-station attached back to the electric grid.

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18
Apr
2018

Did Frazzledrip Kill Barbara Bush?

Posted by Bob Sayther
Bill and Hillary Clinton attempt to silence Barbara Bush
Barbara Bush Frazzledrip

The passing of former first lady Barbara Bush, born Barbara Pierce, was no less shocking than it was tragic. She left behind a legacy of universal literacy and ironically, a son (George) who is mostly illiterate. She's also survived  by four other children, fourteen grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. It can be said that Barbara Bush was so prolific that her passing has impacted the world enough to create an unspoken armistice to allow the world to reminisce about her accolades in helping the world unite through literature.

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17
Apr
2018

MAYDAY

Posted by Anonymous (not verified)

 

 

A cargo ship on its way to Coon Rapids from Mexico has run aground in the Mississippi River. The S.S. Tidday was carrying a load of silicone implants headed for back alley clinics. Double D’s Jenna Tallworts, the cargo carriers spokesperson says “the estimated loss of these implants is about $1.2 million and will no doubt leave the community a little deflated”

 

All residents are to stay clear of the scene until the mess is contained. Stayed tuned if you want. We don’t care.

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16
Apr
2018

Snapchat to Launch Herpes Filter

Posted by Bob Sayther

Snapchat has released a new filter that some may call bizarre while others will say it only helps those who feel embarrassed.

The new "Herpes Filter" in Snapchat's latest update shows users what it looks like when they get a breakout on their face with the world's most prominent viral infection: the Herpes virus. The new filter is an addition to the next Snapchat update and is set to be launched in early May.

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