20
Apr
2018

Permission to land

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

*Southwest Airlines Update*

 

SouthWest Airlines flight 1380 coming from somewhere had experienced a “window malfunction”. Canadian/Chinese passenger, Sooked Oot was reportedly sucked into a window blown out from debris from a damaged engine. Coon Rapids Planet has received top secret intel from the Trump administration that the engine was struck from a land to air missile from our friends at the Kremlin. 

 

 

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19
Apr
2018

Too soon

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

 

 

After only 2 days George Bush is already at the altar. He said “ I’ve got needs”. The woman in the picture was unavailable for comment.

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FIRST EVER ENERGY KITE CRASH IN TEXAS HITS CLOSE TO HOME IN OKLAHOMA

 

The first ever fourth Energy Kite's maiden voyage didn't go as planned for the fifth time.

The “Energy Kite” is an aerodynamic winged kite tethered to a ground station which produces electric power and the tether attaches that electricity to the grid using fiber optic lines through a special sub-station attached back to the electric grid.

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18
Apr
2018

Did Frazzledrip Kill Barbara Bush?

Posted by Trip McNeally
Bill and Hillary Clinton attempt to silence Barbara Bush
Barbara Bush Frazzledrip

The passing of former first lady Barbara Bush, born Barbara Pierce, was no less shocking than it was tragic. She left behind a legacy of universal literacy and ironically, a son (George) who is mostly illiterate. She's also survived  by four other children, fourteen grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. It can be said that Barbara Bush was so prolific that her passing has impacted the world enough to create an unspoken armistice to allow the world to reminisce about her accolades in helping the world unite through literature.

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17
Apr
2018

MAYDAY

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

 

 

A cargo ship on its way to Coon Rapids from Mexico has run aground in the Mississippi River. The S.S. Tidday was carrying a load of silicone implants headed for back alley clinics. Double D’s Jenna Tallworts, the cargo carriers spokesperson says “the estimated loss of these implants is about $1.2 million and will no doubt leave the community a little deflated”

 

All residents are to stay clear of the scene until the mess is contained. Stayed tuned if you want. We don’t care.

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16
Apr
2018

Snapchat to Launch Herpes Filter

Posted by Trip McNeally

Snapchat has released a new filter that some may call bizarre while others will say it only helps those who feel embarrassed.

The new "Herpes Filter" in Snapchat's latest update shows users what it looks like when they get a breakout on their face with the world's most prominent viral infection: the Herpes virus. The new filter is an addition to the next Snapchat update and is set to be launched in early May.

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15
Apr
2018

McDanolds Cocaine Meat Bust

Posted by Peter Christofferson

It has been long said that Mcdanolds, burgers were straight addicting, where even a prostitute was busted in Casper for taking Mcdanolds in exchange for sexual favors. This weekend during a routine check at the border of Mexico and America of a Mcdanolds product delivery truck, coming from the horse and wild dog meat factory outside of Chihuahua, Mexico in route to the processing plant in Houston, Texas, took a turn for the worse. 

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14
Apr
2018

Geriatric Island Set to be a Hit

Posted by Rhyhahn Leeh
Geriatric Island

The producers of Survivor have teamed up with the producers of the UFC to come up with what may be this fall’s biggest hit. Geriatric Island is entering the fall lineup on Fox and Hulu and is sure to impress. Hosted by American Super-Mom, Casey Anthony, expect Geriatric Island to be the talk of the town.

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14
Apr
2018

Conor McGregor Innocent!

Posted by Trip McNeally

New York courts have ruled that Conor McGregor is innocent of all charges in regards to the bus incident at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York. The incident was originally being ruled as an assault and vandalism attack on a Barclays Bus containing fighters for the upcoming UFC 223, namely Khabib Nurmagomedov. Khabib, with his entourage, trapped Artem Lobov (McGregor’s teammate), in a shoving and screaming; like the shower scene from Carrie, only they threw Lucky Charms and whiskey.

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