25
Apr
2018

Anal Bleaching Now Considered Racist By KKK

Posted by Peter Christofferson

Anal bleaching has now officially become racist after a petition with enough signatures reached the senate. The new law was added after a short 15 minute briefing on the hill. The details behind the petition stemmed from an argument saying that bleaching your skin makes it white in color therefore making it racist because white is racist. The new law will take place at the beginning of 2019 giving all anal bleaching clinics ample time to shut their doors.

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23
Apr
2018

LOCAL DRONE PILOT IS MISSING HIS FAVORITE DRONE

Posted by James Earl

In a sealed letter to a reporter for the Nacogdoches Planet, a local licensed drone pilot says he is missing his prize drone (Tarantula X6) lost while doing repeated daily test flying possibly near a local park in Nacogdoches.

The drone pilot seen in the attached photos along with a likeness photo of his particular Tarantula X6 drone in this story is asking anyone that might know of his drones whereabouts and is asked to reply in this thread or on any social media pages that this story reaches out to.

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A brand new of its kind study has almost concluded that second-born children are more likely to end up getting more hedonistic pleasures that most humans will never experience in their whole lifetime.

The study found that second-born boys were more apt to run afoul of authority figures than their older peers unlike the girls that might run aloof along with the fact that they may act out as a way to focus attention on themselves but this only happened in the test group and not in the control group.

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22
Apr
2018

Largest North American Pyramid Found In Wyoming

Posted by Peter Christofferson

A rather old theory was proven true last week by a team of archeological scientists off of highway 220 South of Casper, WY. The theory started from settlers traveling the Oregon Trail around campfires, stating that the peak they just passed was built by ancient people who had long passed. As generations grew, so did the story and last year a rancher who wants to remain anonymous went to the strange peak to examine the area.

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22
Apr
2018

No Place Like Home

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

Through out the years, lower income people have been drawn to lower income housing. 

Mr. C. Urdyz Jordan has lowered the bar even more. He only rents to “meth heads”. If you enjoy sub standard living conditions, no return of your deposit, and a landlord who will go through your things find this guy on Facebook.

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22
Apr
2018

Scientists discover what is inside the penis!

Posted by Howie Phelt-Ersnatz

In a rare Sunday press conference, scientists at the famed Baby Batter Clinic have produced what is the first ever image of a penis that has been flayed alive.

 

“We have wondered what was in there that gives the damned thing that mind of it’s own” said Richard Capua, leading investigator and amateur taxidermist, “the penis drives us to make some of the worst decisions in our lives.  Probably in an effort to feed on sushi and fish sticks, we just don’t know yet”

 

Be sure to follow this story for further updates on what motivates man’s real best friend.

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22
Apr
2018

Russia does it again

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

McDaniels  USA has been caught in cohorts with McDaniels Russia. Mrs. B. Ullits was served a super sized serving of freedom. “As I was bringing my grandson food in the spare room of our basement, who by the way has a PHD and an MBA in 13th century middle eastern insect reproduction, he screamed like a sissy “Grammy, Grammy”. I rushed over to calm him down by rubbing his belly, I noticed the disgusting display of what I thought were fries. All I saw was lies!”

 

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21
Apr
2018

Casper Planet Vandalized

Posted by Stanley Weiss

Please be on the look out for two individuals that were caught throwing  human feces on the windows of our Casper Office. We please ask for the public’s help in finding the two people. If you have any idea who they’re please messsage Casper Planet. Warming the video is very disturbing. 

 

An an award will awarded if someone give the names up. 

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21
Apr
2018

Fight Anus Worms Challenge Number Two Trending Challenge

Posted by Peter Christofferson

This year has already been an odd year for challenges, from eating laundry detergent pods to snorting condoms, but those challenges had no heart behind them, no cause, butt the new challenge is supporting colon cancer by eating $1.50 noodles out of the business end of a toilet. You might be thinking, “that’s disgusting, I’m not eating soggy noodles from a toilet”, that’s the trick, eating noodles soaked in toilet water is unsanitary, that’s why you cook them first, then place them in the water and enjoy changing the world.

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21
Apr
2018

Flat Earth

Posted by A. Neal Fyst

 

Newly found photo of the ice wall have surfaced.  According to the The Flat Earth Society we are surrounded by an ice wall that prevents us from leaving the Earth. We at Coon Rapids Planet understand that NASA has finally succumbed to the truth.  

 

International spokesperson for NASA, Fuque Allau said “We give up! The earth is flat, We admit it”. 

 

Coon Rapids Planet does not recognize a round or flat earth, as we don’t see shapes. Stay dialed in for further details, if you want, I wouldn’t.

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