Charges Come Forward Against Columbus

In a shocking report, Democratic National Senator Kamala Warren has come forward with reports that while attending college at Princeton, explorer Christopher Columbus sexually assualted her at a party in 1985.

This story has been corroborated by another Democratic Military leader, Major Ira Dumkunt, who states that she remembers the party where Columbus was coming on to Warren. In her media briefing, Warren stated that at the frat Columbus belonged to, they would constantly have blood-filled orgies and stone women for dressing in less than covering clothing. 

Some say that it comes as no shock that these allegations come out on Columbus Day, with many arguing for the name to be changed to Indigenous People's Day. 

Republican Candidate Leader Les Aberman has released his Apple II-E to the FBI in hopes that they can find the evidence needed to not only prove Warren's claims as false, but to also exonerate Columbus of all charges past and present. This includes the proven fact that he landed on Hispaniola, and raped and tortured the peoples living there. Aberman intends to have the story changed to the classic story of Columbus landing in Myrtle Beach just in time for Spring Break and teaching the Natives how to party. He stated, "these allegations are worse than rape, as they have a lasting impact."

Columbus and his attorney have failed to reply to attempts at calling.

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